Sacred Marriage - Chapter One

Here is the next installment of my L.O.V.E. Series. I will be going through Gary Thomas's Sacred Marriage.

**Note - this entire book is from a Christian perspective. The goal of the book is to show you how to strengthen your relationship with God, through the daily context of marriage. Even though you may not be religious, or a Christian, stick around for the discussion because there are definitely some points that carry over religious barriers and apply to everyone in terms of relationship building!

Chapter One, "The Greatest Challenge in the World", discusses Thomas's thoughts on why God created marriage. He explains that marriage may be the most difficult ministry you will ever face, but to benefit spiritually from marriage, we need to "look at our disappointments, own up to our ugly attitudes, and confront our selfishness." (Remember post one that discussed how marriage isn't for you..?) Those don't sound very pleasant... And that is why Thomas argues that perhaps marriage isn't designed to make us happy, but instead to make us holy. 

But... you're supposed to marry for love, aren't you? What about all those romantic comedies that Hollywood showcases? Ewan McGregor's character in Moulin Rouge tells us "Love is a many splendid thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!"

Thomas tells us, no. Romance, though important in a marriage, is not what it should be based on. Why? Because romantic love has no "elasticity", meaning it can't stretch to encompass everything in a marriage. Think about it... marriage is a commitment to another person, including ALL of their flaws, for the rest of your lives! Marriage requires a mature type of love that can stretch and accommodate the sin, conflicting emotions, and challenges that inevitably occur. Whether you are married, or have been in a serious, committed relationship, you've experienced some of these difficulties.

Judah and I have a phrase that we use: "I love you always, but I don't always like you. And right now, I don't like you" There are going to be times you are disappointed/frustrated/upset by your partner, but if you've taken those vows, then there is no way out. Judah and I have committed to never using the word "divorce" in our marriage - this will be a topic for later discussion. Knowing that love is always constant is a great assurance, but we also have the realistic expectation that we won't always be happy with the other one. The relationship has to be able to handle that. 

Wait, so marriage isn't always rainbows and butterflies? I've been married three weeks and I can tell you already, no, sorry. Well then, why do we get married? What is the purpose of marriage? And this is where we take the spiritual nose dive. Thomas proposes that we get married to use the challenges we face as opportunities to learn more about God, grow in our understanding of Him, and learn to love Him more.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths - Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV

Marriage doesn't expose how your partner can change, it exposes how you can change. Thomas says "if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise...Marriage calls us to an entirely new and selfless life." I certainly can testify to that! But the religious aspect aside, non-Christians can benefit from this. No matter what, marriage develops your character, if you allow it to. If you face difficulties in your marriage and spend the entire time figuring out how your partner needs to change and what growth they need to make, you're going to miss out on the areas for you to grow! Instead of pointing fingers at everyone else, focus on yourself and identify what changes you can make. You'd be surprised what positive changes you will see in your relationship when you make the conscious effort to change yourself. 

My absolute favorite quote I found before I got married was "Marriage is a gift from God. The quality of our marriage is our gift to Him". Constantly, as we dig further into this book, the question "how does my marriage glorify God?" will pop up. 

Ultimately, it takes three to build a marriage: you, your partner, and God. If you always seek God first, your relationship will strengthen with your partner. Likewise, when you improve the quality of your marriage with your partner, you will strengthen your relationship with God. Everyone can testify that we have an internal desire for "something more". We all seek purpose, meaning, and fulfillment. Christians find that in God. For non-Christians, it is something else. As much as I love Judah, he can never provide me with EVERY need I have. But God can. That's why this triangle is necessary. And the rest of this book will help explain that. 

I hope I've caught your interest and that you'll stick around for the rest of this series :)